New Characters Leaked for Smash Bros. Brawl

Paperboy, Simon Belmont, Pac-man, Chakan, and Jason Statham to be Playable Characters

Toronto, Canada-At a small gathering of industry insiders today, a recently fired Nintendo graphic artist, who chose to remain anonymous for legal reasons, revealed four additional characters that will be featured in the company’s eagerly anticipated next installment in its’ Super Smash Bros series. These additions bring the total number of playable characters up to 28, though the insider stated that Nintendo was aiming for an even thirty by the time of the games’ Japan 31st Japanese release.

The bicycle-riding protagonist from Paperboy , whip-wielding Castlevania star Simon Belmont, Namco’s iconic dot-muncher Pac-man, relatively obscure undead Sega character Chakan, and (seemingly out of place) Hollywood action star Jason Statham will join the mainstay of iconic Nintendo characters, alongside fellow crossovers Sonic and Solid Snake.

The insider stated that Jason Statham’s surprising presence is due to a crossover deal with Lion’s Gate Entertainment, and that the March US release of Brawl is to coincide with the release of Statham’s The Bank Heist film. Nintendo’s Wii will then have exclusivity rights to the game based on the movie.

Chakan, whom most gamers aren’t likely to remember, starred in a game called Chakan: the Forever Man for the Sega Genesis. Whileour informant couldn’t confirm this, we suspect that his appearance most likely signals a comeback game starring the character.

The informant gave no further details regarding the move sets or abilities of these new characters, instead becoming increasingly agitated and difficult to understand as he ingested massive quantities of cocaine during the later part of the gathering. But from what little could be understood, our insider indicated that Batman, Carmen Sandiego, and Black Jesus might also be making in-game appearances. Your Krooze Nest correspondent was forced to leave the gathering early due to persistent diarrhea, so no further information could be obtained.

Nintendo would not return our calls.

Source: Krooze Nest Exclusive

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~ by Krooze L-Roy on January 25, 2008.

One Response to “New Characters Leaked for Smash Bros. Brawl”

  1. wow… your a raging homosexual.

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