BREAKING NEWS: Nintendo to Cease Making Games

Company to Exit Interactive Entertainment, Enter Geriatric Mobility Industry

Kyoto Japan-In an unprecedented and completely unexpected move, Nintendo – makers of the successful Wii console – has announced that the company is shifting its’ focus and will be permanently exiting the video game industry by the end of the year. The Japan-based industry giant declared it’s plans to begin mass-producing scooters targeted at low mobility senior citizens.

“We have been moving in this direction for some time,” stated Satoru Iwata, President and CEO of the company, at a press conference today, “we’ve been openly phasing out our game development for the past twelve years. I’m quite shocked to see so many people with surprised faces.”

According to Iwata, this drastic shift of focus is due in large part to the changing interests and priorities of Shigeru Miyamoto, Nintendo’s aging lead designer. “Miyamoto-san has long been our driving force, and we as a company will follow him to the grave and beyond,” stated Iwata, without so much as a hint of irony.

For decades, gamers have watched as the interests of the 56 year old Miyamoto have matured from mere digital diversions to realistic pet-simulators, and most recently, adult fitness. Nintendo’s successful Wii Fit application was the first sign that the extremely influential developer’s thoughts were dwelling on delaying the inevitable decay of the human body. Now it appears that assisted mobility has superceded such interests, and although Nintendo has revealed no specifics on any product, Miyamoto is reportedly hard at work on what Iwata cryptically referred to as “a machine that will allow aged adults to take back what is rightfully theirs.”

Iwata was very explicit in declaring that the Wii console will be discontinued after this coming holiday season, and that third party developers will be unable to release new software for the system after that point. “It’s ours, we own it, and we can do with it as we please,” were his exact words. When the small audience of press and stock-holders began to murmur in protest, he quickly snapped, “it has never been Nintendo’s policy to care what any of you think.”

He then softened his tone and did his best to reassure stock-holders by saying, “we’re Nintendo, we can afford to do this sort of thing.” But any encouragement this accomplished was soon nullified when he added with a chuckle, “and in a few months, money will be the least of you people’s concerns anyway.”

The Krooze Nest will work diligently to keep you up to date on this startling turn of events.


Source: Dissociated Press

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~ by Krooze L-Roy on October 17, 2008.

2 Responses to “BREAKING NEWS: Nintendo to Cease Making Games”

  1. Oh yeah. This’ll be analyzed to death by people who think “lol fake” within hours.

  2. Your an Asian Nigger So STFU and go back to picken the Rice Fields
    bitch ass hoe

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